I wrote this letter to Ellie the morning of August 1st after I had been having contractions for a couple of hours. I thought I would share.
I think today is going to be your birthday, and I am so excited to finally get to meet you. I have imagined what you would look like and be like for so long, even before I was pregnant with you. Carrying you with me everywhere I go for the last months has been a wish fulfilled. I have wanted you and loved you forever and today you will finally be here with me. I can’t wait to see your face and hold your tiny body. I know that the joy I feel now will shadow in comparison to what I will feel later once you arrive.
But I cannot say I am not without fear. I worry about what is about to happen. I worry that you will be healthy. I worry that I won’t be able to do what is required of me and my body to give birth to you. I worry if I will be the kind of mommy that you deserve, because you deserve perfection and I know I will never be that. But now I have to release all those worries and doubts and rely on myself to be able to do this.
I promise you little one that I am going to do everything I can to bring you here safely. I will love you and comfort you the best way I know how. I will protect you fiercely, cherish you immensely, and be your mommy joyfully. I love you so much little Ellie. I’ve waited so long to be able to say that to you while looking in your eyes.